New Year's Resolutions, Confessions, and Reset

So, the first year of this blog has been centered around my sweet, sweet baby girl, documenting her first year of life, or parts of it.


I know there are already tons of  Mom blogs out there, but 2012 will probably see the blog morphing into a more personal-type outlet. I don't know what shape it will take on yet, I think it will just become what it will. Because my world centers around my family though, I'm certain that you will still see a lot of them! So thus the blog name change. And now, onto our regularly scheduled post:



Sorry this is a long one, but if you hang with me, there are some cute pics of a certain precious girl at the bottom. 

I was doing great until last night.

Before then, I had not gotten emotional about extended family time coming to a close, I had not gotten emotional about going back to school tomorrow and starting the busiest season of the year for our family (winter season for Hubs, and musical season for me). I had not even gotten emotional at how amazing my daughter is and how much she has grown and the fact that somehow an entire year has gone by since she came into the world and how much she learns every single day.

But last night as I was taking a shower before bed, it just all came flooding in, or out I guess, in the form of tears.

Another year of my life has flown by. My daughter (wait, I have a kid!?) is 1 year old, walking, chatting, laughing, becoming more dependent, showing her sense of humor, and pretty much just being amazing. I am blessed to have a job, a home, and people who love me.

There are key points in the year however (birthdays, New Year's, the end of summer), when I get super-emotional and worry that everything is flying right past me, and I worry that I'm not stopping to soak it all up. In the day-to-day, I take it all for granted. And I hate that.

My brilliant cousin Laura at Life of Lu (one year younger, but so much wiser), listed her New Year's resolutions here. So smartly put, and each of them are things I need to do myself. But for the sake of originality I will outline a couple of my own.

1. Worry less.
   I am a Grade A Worry Wort. Hubs has the gift of being Laid-Back (also comes with its disadvantages), but sometimes I wonder if this makes me worry twice as much. I worry about everything. Money, job, child, spouse, friendships, family-ships, colleague-ships, body image.... Like, lives in the pit of my stomach worry. But, I worry know that this puts me in a bad mood and stresses me out. This school year, I have gotten sick on the day of every performance my students have given. Conducted my October concert with 101.4F fever and could barely swallow. The day of our November recital, stomach bug. The week(end) of our December performances - four in a row - awful cold, and coughing so hard my gag reflex couldn't handle it and I even threw up once (luckily that happened at home).  Even as I type this I get so mad at myself. IT'S JUST NOT WORTH IT!!! It's not worth your health and your relationships. Ha. Easier said than done. So, sweet readers, those of you who come into contact with me often, don't let me blow things so outta proportion, and I'll try some breathing techniques or something.

2. Be more domestic.
    This is like 10-fold. Come home, and put things away. Do laundry, and put it away. Clean one room a week (I told you this is like the busiest season, this is all we'll have time for, promise). Try to Vacuum every other day (dog hair is blowing across the floor like tumble weed!!). Sync schedules with Hubs (we only have one car right now, so this is crucial). Try to cook more at home (plan meals in advance!).
    Hubs and I just literally SUCK at this part of our lives. UGH. Our house is a wreck, literally. We have to have all of our bills on auto-draft because they would never get paid on time. I attribute it to us being so busy, and we are!! But we also give ourselves way too much leeway with relaxation time, too. We do the relaxing before the housework, because the job work takes so much personal energy and time (ever been or been in the classroom of a performing arts teacher? ever seen their outside of school hours -translate: overtime- rehearsal schedule? ever have two in the same household? ever only had one car between the two of them? - *stop Kathleen, you're worrying*).
    But, somehow, I have GOT to start acting like a Mom and get the housework done BEFORE the relaxation happens (I don't know how you single parents do it, and I salute you). Send suggestions my way!!

3. Be healthier.
    Again, 10-fold. Eat healthier. Exercise. Go to bed earlier. Think healthier, etc.

4. Be a better wife.
    I think I am a good mother. I shower my child with love and affection and nurture her with all I have. But I think this leaves little left over for my very selfless and giving husband. Those of you who know us and spend time with us may not be able to see it on the surface, or maybe you can...I hope you can. In the presence of friends, Hubs' humor is crass and inappropriate and often has to do with the potty (but if you'll think, friends, hardly ever directed to his wife). That's what he thinks is funny! But most of his giving happens behind the scenes, and always without complaint. He makes our breakfast and packs our lunches every single morning so that I can do what I need to feel presentable (shower, hair, makeup, the works). He most often is the bearer of household chores while I get to play with or take care of baby girl. He is an emotional rock, steadfast under the barrage of my crazy emotional instability.   He runs errands (much faster paced than me!), if we're eating at home, he cooks and cleans the dishes. If we're traveling, he packs the car, carries most of the load, sets up the pack-n-play, does diaper duty. He is the sounding board, emotional coach, and family clown all rolled into one. Not to mention Dad of the Century. And yet he sometimes ends up being the punching bag too. Try as he may to read my mind all the time, it's just not humanly possible. So I've got to be better. I'm going to blame it on the Grade A Worry Wort in me, she makes me crazy and so sometimes I fly off the handle.

Ok, now that I've written these out, they seem so broad and overwhelming. But these are the things that NEED to happen in order for me to be a better person. I am so loved and so blessed, but I feel like a squanderer. I want to be a person that deserves all of the blessings she has been given. Those of you who pray, please do. Those who send good vibes, please do. Here's to all of the blessings and to 2012, may we be better at the end of it than we were when it began.

I stumbled upon this pic as I was searching through some files. Check the date. We had no idea then how fast our life would move!

Addison is One! Party on December 11.

PJ Party at school on December 20.

Christmas Eve Children's Service.

Breakfast at McLeod's December 26.

Addison and Grandmother December 28.

Cozy Coupe! December 30.